A Life Worth Living
by StanaTorv
Summary: A continuation from the 4x01 sneak peak, because everyone needs more. Rated T for language, violence and medical procedures. Second chapter added 28/7/11 Now Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**This is based on the Sneak Peak for 'Rise' that was played at Comic Con and the first part comes directly from that. I hope you enjoy it. I had to watch a scene from ER so that I could get all the terminology down, so all you doctors out there have to forgive me for any inaccuracies, the stuff I wrote came from a stabbing scene, I couldn't find the GSW scene that I wanted. There was way too many to go through.**

**Disclaimer: Still not mine; I doubt it will ever be.**

**A Life Worth Living**

_"Accept the pain, cherish the joys, resolve the regrets; then come the best benedictions- 'If I had my life to live over again, I'd do it all the same.'"- Unkown_

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><p>The EMTs ran the gurney carrying Detective Kate Beckett through the doors of the ER. Lanie was furiously pumping on her chest to keep her heart beating; pleading with her, "Stay with me. Stay with me. Come on!" Lanie refused to stop. "Don't die on me, Kate. Do not die. Come on!"<p>

The doctor met them through the doors and the EMT gave him her stats, "Fatal GSW to the left chect. Initially unresponisve. Lost vitals on the way. Critical condition."

It was time for the emergency doctor to take over, "Trauma 1. Swich," he said to Lanie. "We've got this."

Lanie shook her head, defiantly continuing the CPR. "She's my friend. Do you understand that? She's my friend."

The doctor had seen it all before; "Then let us save her life," he told her firmly yet empathetically.

Lanie jumped off and stood still, watching the gurney go down the long hallway, slumping against Castle when he finally caught up with her, tears streaming down her face.

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><p>Trauma 1 was full of doctors and nurses working on Kate as they rushed her in and placed her on the bed.<p>

"What's her BP?" Dr. Murray asked.

"90/50," replied the nurse monitoring he vitals, "Pulse-ox is low. 82."

"Get me some blood presure!"

"Right pupil is five milimetres and reactive and the left is the same.

"I need a number 8 ET-tube," another doctor, a Dr. Petersen stood beind her head and tilted it back, the nurse handed him what he asked for and he successfully intubated her.

"She's lost a lot of blood. I need four units of O-neg and hang two more on the rapid infuser. Send a trauma panel, type and cross and get a x-ray for the chest. We need to see what damage this damned bullet caused," Dr. Murray yelled out as he set to work on stablising Kate.

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><p>Castle and Lanie stood outside the trauma bay and peered into the windows, watching the doctors and nurses furiously work on saving Beckett's life.<p>

"She's gonna be ok," Lanie said to Castle. "Tell me she's gonna be ok."

Castle wrapped his arm around the small woman's shoulders, "She's the strongest woman I know."

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><p>Dr. Murray took a look at the x-ray, "Looks like the bullet hit the aorta; we need to crack her open to stem some of this bleeding. Someone page Dr. Davidson down here. She needs to go to surgery as soon as we're done."<p>

"Prep the chest. Betadine and a sterile drape," Dr. Petersen ordered the nurses. "10 blade."

Dr. Petersen carefully cut down the middle of Kate's chest, "Sternal saw." Once this was handed to him the only sound people could hear was that of the beeping heart-rate monitor and bones being cut through with a saw.

Castle heard it and pressed his face against the window and saw Dr. Petersen yank open Beckett's chest with the set rib spreaders. He could hear them suctioning out the overflow of blood from her body. He was caught off-guard when another doctor came flying into the room from behind him. _Josh._

"What have we got?" he asked.

"Female, GSW to the left chest. We had to crack her open as the bullet nicked the aorta."

Josh snapped on his gloves, not realising "Give me a 4.0 prolene on a n RB-1 needle. I need to stop this hemorrhage." He dug around in her chest to find the main source of the bleeding and set to sewing it up.

The pulse-ox started to alarm, "She's in V-Fib," the nurse informed them.

"Start internal compressions," Josh told Dr. Murray, "I just need to cross-clamp this aorta."

Dr. Murray did as he was instructed and started massaging Beckett's heart to keep the blood pumping.

"Done. Autotransfuse from the cellsaver and charge the internal paddles. Give her another five of EPI."

Dr. Murray grabbed the defibrilator and shocked her heart.

"She's sinus tach," the nurse read out, "Pressure is up to 90."

"Ok, hang another unit and call the OR to let them know we have an open chest wound coming up," Josh draped a covering over Beckett's chest and started to wheel her out of the trauma room. He noticed Castle and Lanie outside the doors and looked at them in confusion. That confusion turned to shock when he realised who he was working on. Josh looked down and visibly paled. "Oh God!"

The nurse looked at him and asked, "What's the matter, Dr. Davidson?"

Josh picked up Kate's hand, "It's ok Kate. You're going to be fine." Josh looked over at Castle and Lanie, "We're going up to the OR, you can follow us in the next elevator."

Castle nodded and led Lanie to where Josh was heading. "Look after her, ok," Castle told him.

"I promise." With that the elevator doors closed behind Josh, the nurse and Kate who was lying motionless on the gurney beside them.

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><p>The OR waiting room was full of people waiting, hoping and praying for Kate Beckett to pull through her surgery. They all knew that Josh was the best in his field and that this was as personal for him as it was for the rest of them.<br>Alexis, Martha and Jim Beckett sat together while Esposito held onto Lanie for dear life. Ryan sat next to Jenny who was softly running her hand up and down her fiance's back in a soothing motion. Castle was agitated and couldn't sit still; he would be up and pacing one minute and sitting on a chair tapping his foot the next. It had been over three hours already and they had heard no news. Although, no news was good news, and everyone held their breaths as soon as they saw someone in scrubs walk into the room.

It was another two hours before Josh emerged from the operating theatre, his scrubs covered in blood. Kate's blood. He looked tired and he ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed his face. A small smile broke out onto his face when he saw Kate's 'family' all waiting for her.

"How is she?" Castle asked quietly.

"Stable. She's still in critical condition but we were able to stop the bleeding completely. She's lost a lot of blood and now only time will tell if she is strong enough to pull through."

"Can we see her?" Lanie questioned.

Josh shook his head, "No, I'm sorry. She's in complete isolation at the moment as she is quite susceptable to infections. Depending on how she goes through the night, tomorrow is the earliest anyone can see her." He looked at the forlorn faces of the group in front of him and felt sorry for them. He sighed and walked up to Jim, "Mr. Beckett, if it will help, I can take you to outside her door so that you can see her."

Jim nodded, "I'd like that, thank you."

Josh led Jim down the hall and everyone let out the collective breaths they were holding.

"At least she's alive," Esposito stated.

Everyone agreed before withdrawing back into silence; they needed to see Kate alive for themselves before they could come down off the ledge they had all perched themselves on.

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><p>After two days, Kate was still unconscious and everyone was physically, mentally and emotionally drained. Even Josh was feeling the effects of Kate's slow took it in shifts to watch over Kate but Castle refused to leave. He used his money and fame to get what he wanted; he wasn't proud of that, but he would do it all again. Josh had told them that Kate would wake up on her own and the fact that she was still asleep was a good sign that her body was healing herself.<p>

Josh entered Kate's room to find Castle asleep with his head by her hip and holding her hand. Without warning, Castle found himself being hauled out of the room and slammed against a wall.

"What the hell?" Castle yelled. "What's your problem?"

"What's my problem?" Josh seethed. "I should be asking you that."

"Me? What did I do?"

"You just can't let her go can you?"

"She's my partner. I'm not going to leave her."

"Some partner you are," he spat. "You let her get shot!"

"Let her-are you on crack? How many times have you saved her life?" Castle paused for a second. "I'll tell you; one. And do you know how many times I have?"

Before he could answer his own question Castle saw a fist flying towards his face. He didn't have time to react and copped it straight on the jaw. Castle dropped to his knees, but recovered quickly enough to send a punch of his own directly into Josh's gut. Josh doubled over in pain and Castle stood up holding a hand to his jaw. Castle capitalised on Josh's slumped form and threw another punch into the left side of his face. Before the fight could escaate further, four burley looking security officers rushed over and pulled the two men away from each other.

"If you know what's best for you, Castle, you'll stay out of her life."

"Fuck you!" he retorted, "I'd like to see you stop me. I promised her I'd always be there for her; what have you ever done except leave?" Castle pulled away from the security officers and headed towards the exit. He needed to clear his head.

Josh looked at Castle's retreating form and collapsed against the wall; from there he could see inside Kate's room and her unmoving state. He buried his head in his hands and wept. _Maybe Castle was right, _he mused, _Kate deserves everything and more.  
><em>When Kate woke up he knew what he had to do.

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><p>Castle stood by the ledge and overlooked the city from the roof of the hospital. He never knew why all the doctors in the medical shows used to always do that, until now. It was quiet and he could see the whole world pass him by from eight floors up. He figured he should take up smoking just to complete the whole experience. He knew that he could never leave Kate, and seeing the lights go out in her eyes shocked him enough to fight for her; and fight for her he did.<p>

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><p><strong>Ummm...so...yeah. What are your thoughts? I hope you all liked it. All mistakes are my own and like I stated up the top...I'm no doctor so I hope that scene made sense. <strong>

**Bring on September 19th I say. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, alerted and/or favourited this fic from the first chapter. Your response was overwhelming. So as a thank you I give you this next chapter. I hope you like it.**

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><p>The doctors kept Kate in a medically induced coma for five days to allow her body to heal and to lessen the pain. They had said that it would quicken her recovery time; she was already looking at a good six months to a year of intensive physical therapy as it was.<br>Rick sat at her bedside watching, waiting for her to rouse from her slumber. He needed to see her dark green eyes staring back at him; it was the first step in him accepting that she was going to be all right.  
>Rick gripped Kate's hand as he felt her stir and slowly she opened her eyes, wincing at the brightness of the room.<p>

"Oh, sorry. Let me shut those for you." Rick let go of her hand and quickly jumped up and shut the blinds before returning back to his seat and laced his fingers with hers.

Kate looked around the room in confusion, "What happened?" she croaked out.

"You were shot. Do you remember?"

Kate nodded sluggishly, "How long?" She started to cough and Rick reached over and brought the cup of water over to her and placed the straw in her mouth. She took a couple of sips before she stopped, looking at him pointedly to answer her question.

Rick sighed, "Almost six days ago. They've kept you sedated so that you can heal properly."

Kate looked down at her chest where she could feel the pain resonated through her body. She brought up a hand and dragged her finger down the length of her sternum where the bandage was stuck to her skin. She looked up at Castle, eyes questioning.

Rick looked down at their joined hands and softly caressed hers with his thumb, "They had to open you up so that they could stop the bleeding." He took a deep breath and glanced into her eyes, his own shining with tears. "We almost lost you, Kate. We almost lost you." The tears slipped down onto his cheeks and he hurriedly brushed them away.

It hurt too much for her to talk so Kate reached out with her free hand and beckoned him closer to her. When he complied, she gently stoked his face and the weeklong growth he had; she tried to convey all her thoughts and feelings into her eyes, hoping that he understood her. _I'm sorry. _

Rick shook his head emphatically, "No, Kate. This wasn't your fault; it was the son of a bitch that did this, not you. Don't even think that it was."

Kate sighed and reluctantly nodded her head in agreement, even though her eyes told him that if she up to arguing with him that there was a 'but' in there.

Rick needed an out before she damned the pain and started debating with him. He stood and told her, "I'm going to go get the doctor." He leaned over her and gave her a light kiss on the forehead, "I'll be back in a minute."

When Rick returned with the doctor overseeing Kate's case, she had fallen back asleep. Dr. Nicholas took note of her vitals and added them to the chart at the end of the bed before ushering Rick outside.

"How is she?"

"She's a lot more stable. It's good that she was able to wake up. It may take her a few more days before she is able to stay awake for longer periods of time," he explained. "When she is more cognizant we will get her started on self-management of her pain medication."

Rick thanked the doctor before going back into Kate's room. He knew he should have called everyone to let them know that she had woken up, but he wanted this for himself for the moment.  
>He sat back in his chair and thought back on two days previous when Josh had come back into the room, tail hanging between his legs. The two men had come to an understanding of sorts when it came to Kate.<p>

_**Flashback**_

Rick sat in his chair by Kate as he had done continuously for three days when he noticed Josh 'Doctor Motorcycle Boy' Davidson standing sheepishly by the door.

Rick glared at murderously at him and Josh put his hands up in quick surrender. "I'm not here to fight you, Castle."

Castle snorted in contempt, "There's a first."

Josh took a step forward and entered the room, casting a quick glance at Kate before looking Castle directly in the eyes. "I'm serious. I was frustrated and I took it out on you, and I shouldn't have." He paused, "I may not like you, but you're in Kate's life and I have to learn to accept that. I'm not going to fight for her anymore."

Rick looked perplexed, "What are you talking about? If there's anyone worth fighting for, it's Kate."

"I know, and I've seen you fight harder than anyone. This is me telling you that you win. From here on in, I'm going to let Kate decide."

"You're giving up? Just like that?" Rick shook his head in disgust and stared pointedly at Josh, "You're a coward."

"Call me what you like, Castle, but I love Kate enough to let her go." He turned around and headed back out the door.

Castle called out to him, "Make sure you tell her that. I'm not going to be the one to do it for you."

Josh bowed his head in surrender and trudged silently down the hallway.

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><p>By the time that two weeks had passed, Kate was able to stay conscious for more than three hours at a time and she was gradually being weaned off the cocktail of pain medication. She had a steady stream of visitors that kept her company and she was even able to convince Castle to go home for half a day to rest and recuperate himself.<p>

In her drug-induced haze, he had managed to get Kate to agree to stay with him while she was recovering. _Damn him and his logic, _she mused.

It was another week before Kate was discharged from the hospital. Even though Castle and the boys had taken her for walks to the roof, she was still confined to the hospital, so when she finally exited the building she breathed out a large sigh of happiness.

Castle had remodeled his loft slightly to accommodate Kate and her need for physical therapy. He installed railings in the bathroom and a seat in the shower, as well as turning the spare bedroom into a therapy area so that the trainers could come to Kate.

Kate stared in awe at the amount of work that Castle had put in for her. "When did you ever get a chance to organize this?" she asked, "You were with me nearly every minute of the day."

He smiled at her, "Ryan and Esposito helped, as did mother, Alexis, Lanie and your father.

"Thank you." To her, those two words didn't seem worthy enough to express her gratitude.

"Always," he replied as he led her to her bedroom so that she could get some rest. He had put all the flowers and get-well cards in top of the dressing table. "It brightens up the place, don't you think?"

Kate chuckled, "It does. It was very thoughtful of you." She fingered the petals of a white lily and looked at the card. _Josh. _Kate thought back to five days previous when Josh had finally come into see her and to give her the flowers.

_**Flashback**_

Josh took a seat next to her bed, Castle's seat, and took her hand in his.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Like I've had my chest ripped open," she joked. Kate saw him shrink back in his seat, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"No, it's ok. If you're joking it means that you're getting better."

Kate smiled, "Yeah, it does." She paused, "I want to thank you. Castle said that you were the one that operated."

"I was just doing my job, Kate."

She looked at him intently, noticing that he was trying to keep his face in the shadows. "Come here," she ordered.

Josh begrudgingly did as he was told and moved closer to her and into the light. Kate lifted his chin so that she could get a look at his face. "What happened?"

"Nothing. It was just a little misunderstanding."

Kate glared at him, "A hell of a misunderstanding."

"Yeah." Josh moved away and slunk back into the chair. "Kate-" he sighed, "I- we- need to talk."

Kate raised her head and pursed her lips together, "Ok. Talk."

Josh ran his fingers through his hair, "Kate, I need you to understand that I love you and the only reason I'm doing what I'm doing is because of that."

"Doing what?" she asked.

"Letting you choose. I need you to choose between me and Castle."

"Are you crazy? You can't ask me to do that. Castle is my partner. Where the hell do you get off getting to choose like that?"

"Kate, you have to understand that I already know I've lost. I just had to ask you to make sure."

"Why?" Kate was puzzled. "Why do I have to choose?"

"Because I can't continue loving you when I know that someone loves you more."

She shook her head, "Castle doesn't love me. You've got it all wrong."

"Stop fighting it Kate. Look at him and what he's done for you and tell me you don't know the truth."

Kate groaned in frustration, "Dammit, Josh."

Josh stood and placed a soft kiss on her lips, "Goodbye Kate, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be the man for you."

With that, Dr. Motorcycle Boy was out of her life and Kate could start moving on with her life.

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><p>"Kate. Are you ok?"<p>

Kate was pulled from her reverie by Castle's voice. "Huh?" She turned to look at him, "Sorry, I was just thinking."

"It's ok. When you're ready, come out to the kitchen and I'll get some dinner organized for us."

"Sounds good, thanks."

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><p>A month passed and Kate had settled into Castle's loft. She enjoyed living with him and his mother and daughter. She couldn't remember a time where she had laughed so much. They certainly aided in her recovery; as they say 'laughter is the best medicine'.<p>

One evening, it was just Rick and Kate enjoying a quiet night in. Both Martha and Alexis had gone out and the pair were enjoying take-out and a few movies on the projector sheet screen. In between movies, Castle decided to take advantage of their 'alone time'.

"Can I talk to you for a minute, Kate?" he asked.

Kate turned herself so that she was facing him on the couch, "Sure. What about?"

He paused momentarily before answering, "Us."

Kate sucked in a breath, "Oh, ok. What about us?"

"I just wanted to ask you if we could give us a shot. I'm not asking for an answer right away; I was just putting it out there."

Kate thought for a little while before answering, "Rick, I'd like there to be an 'us' as well, but this is serious. Once we cross that line, there is no going back. I need to be sure about it all, so we go slow, ok?"

"Slow. Slow is good. Gives me more time to woo you."

"Woo me? Well, I've never had anyone do that before, so it'll be interesting to say the least."

Rick grinned and moved closer to her, bringing his face inches in front of hers, "Can I kiss you now?"

Kate laughed, "I'd have to arrest you if you didn't."

"With handcuffs?"

"Shut up and kiss me, Castle," she smirked.

"Shutting up." Rick closed the gap between them and pressed his lips to hers, kissing her with all the passion and emotion that he could muster.

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><p>Three months after the whole incident, Kate found herself in the park, sitting on a set of swings. She remembered the feeling when she was a child of swinging so high that she felt like she could touch the sky. She smiled at the memory. Her body wasn't back to full strength yet, but she made a note to come back when she could recreate the feeling of her youth.<p>

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Castle approach and sit on the swing next to her.

"Fancy meeting you here," he told her.

"Hmm, fancy that."

"When you said you needed to get out, I had no idea that you would end up at the park," he said.

"No, neither did I." Kate swung softy on the swings, "What can I do for you now that you've found me?"

"I came to give you something. I finished my meetings for _Heat Rises _and they gave me my copy." Castle handed it to her and she placed it on her lap. "I want you to have it."

Kate started to protest, "Castle-"

He shook his head, "No, without you there would be no Nikki Heat. And seeing as I nearly lost you, I figured the best thing would be to let you know that Nikki made it through as well."

She smiled at him, "Thank you, Castle. I can't wait to read it." Kate hopped off her swing and stood on front of him and held out her hand, "Care for some ice-cream?" she asked.

Castle took a firm grip of her hand and laced their fingers together, "I'd love some."

The pair strolled through the park together, their hands never parting; they were determined to walk through life together. For them, they had both found someone to fight for.

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><p><strong>Ok, so this is the actual real end of this fic. Thank you to everyone who asked me to add to the first chapter. I hope that you all enjoyed it. I won't be adding anymore to this as I have a few others to finish and with uni starting back up, the assignments and presentations have started piling up quite quickly.<strong>


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